When Loki Met Luci
by NarutoRox
Summary: For ZombiesloveMangoes. When the God of Lies & Mischief and the King of the Damned find themselves face to face for the first time, you can imagine things are going to get a little dicey. Or, you know, snarky. Cue madness, sassiness, and some possible bonding from two of our favorite villains, along with a special cameo from everyone's favorite consulting criminal.


**AN: **A gift fic for my dear friend ZombiesloveMangoes, who, besides being completely awesome, has never minded my rampant insanity and often even encourages it. ;) I couldn't get you an actual Loki and Luci, so I thought I'd go for the next best thing - a fanfic about them. X)

Multiple references made to the Supernatural season 5 episode 'Hammer of the Gods' (episode 5.19). I haven't actually seen Thor 2, so forgive me anything Loki says that may be contradictory to it. Unbeta'ed, as the person who usually betas for me is the recipient of this fic, so apologies for any mistakes.

**Summary: **When the God of Lies & Mischief and the King of the Damned find themselves face to face for the first time, you can imagine things are going to get a little dicey. Or, you know, snarky. Cue madness, sassiness, and some possible bonding from two of our favorite villains, along with a special cameo from everyone's favorite consulting criminal.

**~When Loki Met Luci~**

* * *

><p>To the average observer, the two men would have made an odd sight regardless of the dark-haired man's strange clothes (an odd cross between Shakespeare and Star Trek), simply because normal people weren't usually seen standing in the middle of Stonehenge at 3am for no apparent reason.<p>

Not that an average observer would be hanging around Stonehenge at 3am to notice anyway. But if they were, they would probably still think it was odd and be wondering why the men were there. Which, to be fair, the two men were still trying to work out themselves. Because even for them this was a bit odd, which was saying something.

For you see, neither of the 'men' were actually human.

Oh, they _looked _human enough; in fact, some - okay, many - would probably argue that they were quite good-looking, perhaps supernaturally so...And considering one was an Asgardian Trickster God by the name of Loki and the other was the Devil (yes, _the_ Devil, as in Lucifer, King of the Damned), they wouldn't be that far off the mark.

Not that any fancy titles were helping them in their current situation, which was very irritating on their part. Neither had any distinct memory of coming there of their own will, and didn't know why anyone in the universe would purposefully summon them to this particular place. They could both smell magic in the air, though, and knew with certainty that they had indeed been summoned by _someone _- they just didn't know who.

Because really, who in their right mind would summon freaking Satan and the God of Lies & Mischief?

Lucifer was inclined to think it might have something to do with the Winchesters, because, yeah, whenever something weird happened in his world it was usually somehow tied to those two. Apocalypse started? Winchesters. Pagan god meeting? Winchesters are there. One of the Four Horsemen died? One of the Winchesters must have ganked him. Apocalypse averted? Winchesters again. Death goes on vacation? Dean Winchester must have taken over for a day. And so on and so forth. Basically, Lucifer was already blaming them for this whether he saw them or not, because more than likely it was their fault.

Loki, for his part, had no idea who would summon him to this strange version of Midgard, or why. It could be that the man with the short, scruffy beard in Midgardian dress standing 15 feet from him had done it; he certainly felt powerful enough to do so. But he seemed just as puzzled as Loki did, and had barely glanced at him before turning to assess the situation, the calculated look in his eyes as he did so telling Loki more than anything else so far.

After about three minutes of silent contemplation and assessment, the two finally turned to each other and - mostly due to a lack of anything better to do - decided to interrogate each other.

Lucifer got there first. "What the hell are you?" he asked bluntly, crossing one arm and placing the opposite hand to his chin, fingers tapping his mouth and head cocked to one side.

Loki raised an eyebrow inquisitively, both confused and a little amused by the stranger's use of 'what' instead of 'who'. If it hadn't been obvious that the man wasn't any normal, ignorant Midgardian before, then it was now. Not that Loki hadn't guessed as such from the sense of...power he was emitting, but it was nice to get some sort of confirmation of the man's intelligence as well.

Instead of answering, Loki shrugged and braced a hand on his hip. "I do believe I could ask you the same thing," he said, giving him a thin-lipped smile.

Lucifer continued to talk as though Loki hadn't spoken, though he appeared to be talking mostly to himself anyway. "You're not one of mine, no, and you're not human, or a witch...hmmm...definitely not an angel, nope, though you seem to be on par..." He cocked his head the other direction and he walked a slow circle around Loki, still tapping his fingers against his mouth contemplatively. "...yeah, definitely powerful, I know magic when I feel it, so...pagan god." he said finally, grinning and pointing at Loki. "Definitely a pagan god. Though I have no idea which one." He shrugged and seemed to be speaking mostly to himself when he said "Nobody big, obviously. I recall killing most of the important ones."

Loki narrowed his eyes. "I beg your pardon, creature?"

Lucifer, who had turned his back on Loki to regard the horizon, looked back over his shoulder at him. "'Creature'?" he chuckled, seeming genuinely amused. "Really? That's the best you could come up with?"

Loki crossed his arms behind his back, mirroring the other being's nonchalance."You're obviously not mortal, and despite your form and state of dress, not of this world, either." he replied stiffly, then smirked. "And you never answered _my _question as to 'what you are'. It seems bad form to just assume. I'd hate to refer to you as something interesting only to find you're a dull Midgardian mortal after all."

Lucifer slowly turned, recognizing the digs as what they were and becoming intrigued rather than angry that the slimy little insect would dare to even talk to him like that. Most pagan gods weren't that careless with him, so either the one before him was just that stupid, or honestly didn't actually know who he was.

Interesting.

"I don't recall you actually _asking _what I was, though if you do have to ask then I suppose you're even further beneath my notice than I thought." Lucifer said, tapping his chin and then pointing at Loki again. "Though I would like to know what a 'Midgardian' is. Gotta say, never head that one before, which is saying something as I've been around the block for...well, ever. Literally."

Loki raised an eyebrow and had the audacity to _smile _at him. "Midgardian. One of Midgard. The realm we're currently in?" he suggested, putting in some effort to only sound mildly patronizing. "And I _did _ask, you were just too busy listening to yourself ramble nonsense to notice."

Lucifer shrugged, unperturbed. "Doesn't ring any bells," he said, pacing a few steps away and then back. "So my guess is you're either an extra-crispy crazy god, or obviously not in Kansas anymore." He frowned, looked up, and nodded to himself. "Or, you know, both."

For the first time since they began speaking, Loki let some of his anger show. "I don't know of this Kansas of which you speak, but I can assure you I am not of that realm." he said, eyes narrowed. "Additionally, I think you'd do well not to insult me, cretin."

Lucifer, who'd started observing the ground around the perimeter while Loki was talking, looked up and grinned at him. "Oh yeah, definitely both. I can _smell_ the crazy on you."

Loki straightened, a cold, calculated fury emitting from him. "Do you have _any_ idea to whom you are speaking?" he murmured in soft, dangerous tones, clenching his jaw.

"I thought we'd already established that no, I don't, and I wouldn't care even if I did." Lucifer snorted, rolling his eyes. "But let me guess: You're 'blank', the 'insert mighty-sounding adjective here' god of something I couldn't give two craps about. Look, I don't care if you're the sparkly god of soup, it doesn't make a bit of difference to me."

He kicked a boot into the ground and gestured around the general area. "I'm more concerned with the fact that I've been summoned from what was supposed to be an impenetrable prison specifically designed for me, to-" He looked around. "-England, in the middle of nowhere, and in my old vessel, no less, which is ironically the most disturbing part for me because the last time I was driving it, it was pretty much on it's last leg and shouldn't be functional at this point." He looked down and seemed to give himself a once-over, then muttered, mostly to himself, "I mean damn, am I wearing the same jeans?" He scowled at nothing in particular. "If I was going to be summoned back, they could have at least dropped me off in Sam. I liked Nick okay, but Sam had a taller vantage point. And, you know, better hair." He sighed gloomily. "And I was winning that card game with Michael. If whatever this is sends me right back, he won't count it."

Loki gaped at him. "_What_ are you maundering about?" he demanded. "I've not met anyone who blathered on this much since Stark. Are you touched in the head?" Honestly, Loki was starting to reassess his earlier assumption about the man being clever. In fact, he was starting to wonder if his brother had been here first and hit the wretch in the head with Mjolnir. "I said, _do you have any idea to whom you are speaking_?"

Lucifer froze, then slowly looked up to face Loki. And this time, when he fixed his attention on the trickster, he let the full extent of his anger and annoyance with the situation show on his face. Loki could almost _feel_ the air around them drop several degrees.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't find it a little disconcerting.

"I think the _real_ problem here," Lucifer hissed with a small, icy smile. "Is that you _don't_."

Loki resisted the urge to step back because he was a _god_, and he backed down for no one. Not Odin, not Thor, and certainly not for the chilling, supposedly powerful - _whatever _he was - in front of him.

"Enlighten me, then." he said, smirking arrogantly and refusing to be intimidated.

Lucifer laughed. "Oh no, by all means. You've been absolutely _dying_ to tell me since we started this conversation, you can barely contain yourself. Go ahead." He stepped forward, his eyes flashing. "What 'mighty' being as chosen to grace me with his presence?"

Loki's smirk widened into something between a smile and a leer. "I believe the old Midgardian adage is 'age before beauty'?"

"Awww, you're adorable. You've finally realized I'm older than you." Lucifer said, unsure if he should find the comment funny or annoying, and settling on feeling slightly amused again.

"Oh I doubt that. I just know who's more aesthetically pleasing." Loki said pleasantly.

Lucifer let out a low whistle. "Well well well, the claws are out." he chuckled, shaking his head. "Seriously though, that's the best you could come up with, beanpole? You show up looking like the illegitimate lovechild of Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, dressed like _that_, and decide to poke fun of _my_ look?" He looked down at himself and spread his hands wide in a self-encompassing gesture. "Well, okay, I'm dressed like a lumberjack, but at least I'm rugged-looking. And what's that saying about casting stones...?"

Loki frowned and eyed Lucifer warily. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do believe I'd rather be talking to Stark. At least he amuses me."

Lucifer glared at him, looking faintly insulted. "Are you saying I'm not funny? Um, hello, I'm like the funniest guy in the known universe!" He made a face and rolled his eyes. "Well, besides maybe Gabriel, but he's dead so he doesn't count, and I taught him most of his tricks anyway. And if you haven't noticed, I'm the sole reason this conversation has even been worth having."

Loki chuckled. "Are you certain? Because I for one believe I've been the only one making sense during this whole ordeal." He shook his head. "And _that's_ what it takes to insult you? Me implying you're not humorous?"

"Babe, where I come from, wit is gold." Lucifer snorted. "I mean, if I were talking to anyone else, I'd be worried about losing my touch. All I've had for company is Michael and the wannabe Winchester, and Adam maybe good for a chuckle or two, but my brother...well..." He shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, I love and hate the guy in equal measure, but his sense of humor has always been bland at best. Being stuck with him for the rest of eternity?" He shuddered. "I'm already bored out of my mind as it is. To be honest, that's really the only reason I haven't already killed you." he added, sounding almost apologetic.

'_If only it were that easy for you._' Loki almost said aloud, but something about Lucifer's sincere tone made him decide against it.

"Oh thank you, I'm honored." he deadpanned instead, earning another laugh from the other man.

"You really should be," Lucifer snickered, wagging a finger at Loki. "It's not everyday one gets to say they were spared by Satan himself."

Loki leaned forward, eyebrows up and hands out. "Oh, is that who you are?" he asked, sounding mildly bored, to Lucifer's amazement. "Is that supposed to mean something to me...?"

It was Lucifer's turn to gawk at him in confusion. "You're joking."

Loki shrugged. "I'll admit, it does sound familiar." he said, squinting at him. "Someone from Midgardian history, maybe? I really don't keep track."

"I-" Lucifer shook his head. "Lucifer? King of the Damned?" he suggested, making a rude sound when Loki held his arms up in apology.

"Sorry," Loki said, sounding genuinely contrite despite the amused twitch of his lips.

Lucifer opened his mouth, then shut it again. "No way. You're screwing with me." he said finally, visibly agitated. "I'm the Devil, for Dad's sake! The ruler of Hell! Okay, granted, I haven't actually done much ruling, what with being trapped in the cage and all, but most people still go with the old party line -"

"It sounds as if you may be confusing yourself with Hela," Loki replied with more than a little bit of cheek, fully expecting to be ignored and not being disappointed as Lucifer continued his rant.

"- and I'll be damned - again! - if some backwoods, pretty-boy pagan god that's been living under a rock in Wonderland somewhere doesn't even recognize me." Lucifer fumed, gesturing wildly and seemingly more to himself than Loki.

"I realize you're insulting me again, but as I seem to have inadvertently upset you more than you have me, I shall let the slight pass." Loki said pleasantly. Lucifer scowled at him.

"No, no no no no no, I am _not_ letting some comic-con reject get the best of me," he snapped, pointing at Loki threateningly. "I have a reputation to uphold! Just tell me whoever the hell you are, so I can figure out what poor, obscure pantheon you come from and wipe the rest of them out on principle."

Loki grinned as he entertained the thought of this...Lucifer being ranting as he had been to Thor or Odin. They would probably understand him even less than he did, and respond even less favorably.

"As much as I think I'd enjoy witnessing that endeavor, I'm doubtful you'd succeed." Loki chuckled. "But to answer your question: I am Loki, God of Lies and Mischief, creature."

Lucifer blinked. "Loki?" he repeated morosely. "The Norse trickster god? Yeah, now I _know_ you're screwing with me." he sighed, rolling his eyes skyward. "You've got the liar part right, at least."

Loki didn't bother to hide his smile. "I see you've heard of me?"

"Heard of you?" Lucifer snorted. "I killed you. Well, the guy that was pretending to be you, anyway." he corrected with a dismissive hand wave. "But I'm assuming the real you is dead, too, since I really don't see good ole Gabe just taking someone's identity without making sure they weren't going to come back to claim it later."

"Well, clearly I'm alive." Loki pointed out. "Are you quite sure someone killed me? It might have been a trick. I do that a lot. And for some unfathomable reason, people continue to fall for it." he added, shaking his head in exasperation.

"You know, that sounds exactly like something Gabe would say." Lucifer noted, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that's who you were...I mean obviously you're not, because, hello, not an angel, and even if you managed to score a new vessel - which I'd totally compliment you on, because Shakespearian Trekkie Snape is still an improvement over what you had - you'd never be able to hide it from me." Lucifer frowned, scratched the scruff on his face, and shrugged. "Nah, you can't be him. Though this does all sound just like something he'd do to screw with me."

"I know not of this...Gabe." Loki replied flatly, pacing a few steps to toe at one of the rock formations closest to him. "Though I can't say I'm upset to hear of his passing, if he was the one impersonating me."

"Gabe is Gabriel," Lucifer said absently, watching Loki's progress as he moved to examine a different formation. "The archangel." he clarified at Loki's questioning look. When it was apparent Loki still didn't know what he was talking about, he sighed. "My brother?"

Loki refocused on him. "Your brother." he intoned, sounding oddly resigned. "Marvelous, there are more of you?"

Lucifer nodded. "Yep." he said, popping the 'p' on the end. "Well, only one of me, but plenty of brothers. Most of them are dicks, though."

"Charming." Loki snorted, and then, "I know the sentiment."

Lucifer snickered. "Oh, I doubt it. You ever been to war with your brother - who you love more than anything - because your father won't stop playing favorites and neither can get the self-righteous sticks out of their asses?"

Loki blinked, then looked around in disbelief. "Well...yes."

Lucifer paused. "Huh."

"Indeed." Loki agreed, leaning forward with new interest. "Have you ever been forced to leave your own home and fallen into another realm due to the betrayal of your own family?"

Lucifer raised his eyebrows. "Uh, actually...yeah." he said slowly with a new, slightly awed expression.

They both stood and stared at each other in intense silence for a few seconds, reevaluating.

"You know what, I think we might've gotten off on the wrong foot." Lucifer said cheerfully, a big, open grin on his face.

"So it would appear." Loki ventured, smirking a little himself. "It does seem as though we have much in common...speech and opinions on humor and vanity aside, of course."

"Oh, of course." Lucifer echoed, clapping his hands together once. "So what do you say we discuss it while we wait for the spineless moron that thought it would be a good idea to summon us here to show his face?" he suggested happily.

"I'd rather discuss what we're going to do to the idiotic whelp when we see him, but why not?" Loki said with indifference, shrugging.

Lucifer's grin turned positively reptilian."You know, Loki, I think this may be the start of a beautiful friendship." he said as he stepped forward and held his hand out to Loki.

Loki eyed the offered hand for a moment, then looked up and returned Lucifer's smile with a predatory one of his own as he reached out and took it. "So it would seem," he agreed as he looked the other man straight in the eye, a strange sense of giddiness raising up in his gut.

Oh, but how fun this was going to be.

~X~

Meanwhile, a little ways in the distance, a well-dressed, dark-haired man in a Westwood suit watched the proceedings in fascination.

He'd only intended to summon one of them, but so far they'd been so amusing together he couldn't really bring himself to care about the extra. They were sassier than he thought any supernatural being from the bowels of hell could possibly be, and pretty damn funny to watch. Really, this was better than primetime television.

Eventually, though, the alarm on his phone went off, reminding him of the strict timetable he was on. He sighed, feeling a little disappointed since he was going to have to interrupt the proceedings, and trudged down towards the ancient formation, humming a little as he went so they'd hear him coming.

He waited until he was within speaking distance to give them his widest, most maniacal grin.

"So," Jim Moriarty said, taking in their confused, annoyed glares and rubbing his hands together eagerly. "Which one of you two is Satan?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>I know it's not much, but I hope it at least made you laugh. ^_^


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